immortality

Saturday night our date night was at the Toast to Life event for the East End Pregnancy Test + Help Center, which is a place we want to increasingly give our time & money. Again I am filled with questions on how to approach  friends who are convinced that a pro-choice position makes women free.  Current VA legislation has sharpened conversations, whether with co-workers or in the birth community or with classmates or even family (hopefully in person rather than on FB). It is truly difficult to avoid a raw, unedited, emotional reaction from either standpoint. Because each of us becomes a mother in a unique way, the complexities of our perspectives are unique. I'm sure we could more thoroughly prepare for such conversations to be both intelligent & filled with gracious passion.

Initially, I wondered why an ultrasound is opposed as an invasive prerequisite for terminating a pregnancy. Before any other medical procedure, we expect or even demand that doctor to perform a scan (CT, MRI, x-ray, etc) before intervening with our physical condition. The scan verifies or contradicts the diagnosis, shows the doctor what's going on inside, to inform the procedure. Scientific debate regarding when life begins ended 20 years ago. But that tiny, growing life threatens me: to have a child is to admit that I will not live forever. Someone, hopefully our children, will outlive me. Their presence ends the life I think I want, my plans for the immediate future, my freedom to be incurably selfish, my illusion of immortality. For a mind that embraces survival of the fittest, it makes sense to "end their life before they're strong enough to end mine."

It's more personal than politics can address. Properly planning for parenthood is impossible while I fear my own death. That fear turned me into quite a dragon while carrying Os. Being E's mom for only 6 months, I knew the person growing under that baby bump would instantly kill my agenda. Anger, resentment & shame stole my joy over his life for a time. I let them steal it, all while desperately trying to love him & be thankful for his thriving life. It felt as if the fear might kill me after all.

Thankfully I am surrounded by women determined to nurture & empower one another. In addition to a loving husband, my midwives, doula & friends all rallied in celebration for Os & his complaining mum. The feelings of being alone were lies, of course, but deceptively loud. And suddenly compassion kicked in: how much despair might single mums feel about unplanned pregnancies? Without a previously existing, whole-hearted support network (family, friends, birth professionals, etc) I would have plummeted into postpartum depression. While undeniably pro-life & pro-adoption, my dark path to Os' birth taught me the shallowness of a feminism that denies female vulnerability & the need for women caring for one another. Those nine months were a temporary hardship so this new person can thrive in the world outside mama. My arms, my heart, my home must open not only to the children whose arrival is unwelcome but also to the women who carry them, my sisters, my friends. I could not face it alone. None of us should face it alone.

a survey becomes a soapbox

Today I filled out a survey for a friend about the values of American moms. The survey is completely anonymous, and took about 10 minutes. At the end, I found myself saying some things that have lingered in my subconscious since being called Mama...

"The word Millennial brings to mind a generation who grew up during times of plenty & relative peace, which now faces uncertain economic circumstances yet still craves surplus & leisure. As daughters, sisters & mothers, we can be trendy & flighty rather than loyal & committed, opinionated but poorly researched, ambitious but naive, making decisions based on short-term goals & often missing the joys of delayed gratification. Our grandmothers lived through the Depression, emerged resourceful & determined to thrive. Our mothers perhaps did not feel the need for the Old World common sense & preferred the faster pace & aid of technology. Now we have learned to want both: the old knowledge & the new convenient platform, handmade but innovative, organic 'slow' food without the waiting, family heirlooms upcycled into something new.

Having internalized the "you can achieve anything" rhetoric, we stress ourselves out trying to have it all. A fulfilling career, an impressive paycheck, a committed relationship, well-adjusted children, a beautiful home, a flawless reputation, a sparkling social life. My wisest professor shook us soundly one day saying, "You can have it all, maybe, in your lifetime. But you can't have it all at once. Don't go crazy trying."

(I bet you can guess who wrote this; our name rhymes with Grinch!)"

where we'll be: this Saturday at Maymont

Herbs Galore & More
Saturday, April 27, 2013, 8am-4pm Carriage House Lawn
$3 fee for the Marketplace
free for Maymont members and children ages 12 & under

small steps with food

Sarah B of My New Roots speaks on making one small change in the kitchen every day. For all of us who are on the gradual upward slope of to eating at home, cooking from scratch & growing what goes on the table.

Time Away

What a hit, ladies! Thanks to everyone who came to learn & make a mess together. See more photos from this weekend at huntgatherblog or on our Facebook page. I watched every woman leave encouraged in her handiwork & pulled into the momentum of creative expression within a social context. Out of wintry isolation, I find that an hour of writing every day feels both possible & pleasant. Stiff fingers can become nimble again, eyes can remember the details of the craft, mamas can spend a few hours with friends. Just enough time to miss those little hands reaching back.

what the cold concealed

Adventures for "just the boys." Taking turns to grind each morning's coffee beans. Afternoon chai & chalk pastel smearing. Babies growing into little men.

Thank the Lord for a fresh breath of spring, & especially for Easter morning.

Lord of Glory

Redemption Hill Music has released its second EP, Lord of Glory. Nic & I wrote & helped arrange All for Joy, as well as joining the choir on the other two tracks. Enjoy.

Retreat Weekend Sessions

Because interesting session content is what makes the Hunt.Gather. retreat worth hosting... here are the details from each instructor, in 50 words or fewer. April 19-20, 2013. Sign up HERE!
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FRIDAY NIGHT (7-9.30p):

Stories & Responsive Writing (Megan Clinch)

Whether you are writing for personal use, online publication or the stage, this session is meant to revitalize your daily process. We'll spend our time on brief prompts & free-writing exercises, looking at Bird by Bird (by Anne Lamott) & encouraging one another in the steady work it takes to craft a story worth reading. Bring a notebook & pens that work best for you.

Drawing Figures & Faces (Micaela Folkes)

Through repetition (the oldest method of learning) & a variety of exercises, we develop hand-eye coordination & the visual ability to see/judge proportion. Our goals are to simplify what we see, to transmit what we see onto paper, to discover & solve drawing problems, to work with rhythm & movement, & to relate all points to the established center. Bring your sketchbook & favorite pencil.

Photo 101 (Taylor Saalfeld)

Capture the soul of a portrait. Discover the spirit of place. Refine your personal style. Hone your technical skills. Take your camera out of the box! Treat yourself to an experience where you are welcomed by others who are just as passionate. You deserve it!

Please bring your camera & a memory card.

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SATURDAY MORNING (9-11.30a):

Knitting (Ashley Lewis)

Sisters, mothers, daughters, lifelong knitters & novices, come together for demonstration & practice in continental style knitting. We will cast on, knit, purl, cable & cast off as well as examining a variety of fibers, patterns & symbols. Several gauges of needles will be available, but feel free to bring what you're used to using. Please bring your own yarn!

Photo workshop & critique (Sara Tyer)

Since my background is portraits & weddings, our focus will be getting the most lifelike images of the people we love. We will discuss lighting, composition, & what makes a photograph successful.  If you'd like feedback on your work, e-mail up to 3 photos to saratyerphoto@gmail.com to be included in the critique. The last hour is an outdoor photo shoot, so bring your camera!

Cooking from Scratch (Mignon Robinson)

The art of cooking from scratch seems to have been lost in recent years.  Speed & convenience in preparation have taken primacy over quality flavor in food.  We will focus on seasoning & finding balance in flavor by taking the time to cook from scratch. Food isn't just for nutrition, God gave us taste buds so it could be savored and enjoyed. Bring a good, sharp knife & cutting board.

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SATURDAY AFTERNOON (1-3.30p):

The Art of Paleo Cooking (Erin Greene)

In an effort to improve our overall health & increase fitness, our family has decided to follow the paleolithic approach to nutrition. Our meals are made up primarily of meats, fish, vegetables, fruits, nuts & very little sugar. We will focus on simplifying the cooking process while learning to exclude grains, dairy, legumes, sugars & processed oils. Bring a sharp knife & cutting board.

Jewelry 101 (Anna Tonn)

Learn basic techniques as well as finishing details to design & create vintage-style jewelry. We will be working with antiqued brass, bronze or copper wire as well as glass & metal beads, cabochons, charms, & ribbon. Bring a solid color flannel pillowcase or piece of fabric to work upon. If you have them, bring a set of needle-nose (or round-nosed), flat-nose and/or cutting pliers. (Limited sets of tools will be provided & available for purchase.)

Writing workshop & critique (Megan Clinch)

Wherever you are in the writing process, bring an original work to share aloud, hear constructive feedback & move forward. We'll each read a brief excerpt from our own work (that we wish to revise), make notes of first impressions & encourage one another in the steady work it takes to craft a story worth reading. Bring a notebook & pens that work best for you.

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Sign up HERE!

Spring 2013 retreat

Join us for the first installation of Hunt.Gather, creative retreat for female artists! This event is open to the public, facilitated by the ladies of Redemption Hill & hosted by The 400 in RVA on April 19-20. For session info & to sign up, please use this online form.

Expect a studio or lab environment with hands-on instruction, collaboration & discussion/critique. We see the creative process as more than self-expression, energy flow or sending thoughts into the universe. Our aim is to curate events that are safe for vulnerable questions: Who is God? Who am I? Can I thrive as an active part of a larger creative community?

Our time together will encourage trusting, ongoing relationships among female artists in Richmond, from student to hobbyist to career artists to retiree. We hope to join each other’s knitting hours, supper clubs, writing critiques & skill swaps, however informal or hard-core they may become.

So jump in with us!

thank you